


✷ At night i dream of you; without me.

by tenderfirstlove



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Reed800 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 00:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderfirstlove/pseuds/tenderfirstlove
Summary: The three times that Gavin knew he was wrong:The first time, Connor had thought their relationship could still work.The second, those hopes of his were doused painfully.The third was when Connorleft and never looked back.





	✷ At night i dream of you; without me.

**Author's Note:**

> work inspiration+ost for work: [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODjsQiNMhFo)  
> also the other song is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCjNJDNzw8Y)

Connor laid in Gavin's bed, tracing the man's chest, delicate fair fingers tracing his scars and healed wounds whilst Gavin just played with his hair.

It was nice.

Warm. 

 _Safe_.

Gavin listens to Connor talk and talk about everything, about anything. He closes his heavy eyelids, that soft and keen voice lulling him to sleep gently whilst his own rough fingers mess up the dishevelled curls on top of Connor's head. He couldn't believe how he thought that his lover could've been a simple machine, it was embarrassing. Sometimes he thought about how he deserving to have him in his life. He was such a mess, and Connor helped him so much after his eyes were cleared of the murky waters of bigotry and shapeless hate he held.

Connor stopped tracing the other's chest, laying his hand flat against the chest, over the heart and nuzzling into Gavin's bicep before shutting his eyes and going into standby mode, still aware of the warm body he was shoved up against. Blue eyes opened and they flickered over the other's LED, circling lazily as the other delved deeper into standby mode.

He pursed his lips tightly, he knew he shouldn't do what he did, but it was too late to stop doing to now. He gently pressed his chapped lips against Connor's forehead, smoothing his hair back delicately before pulling away and placing the android in a more comforting position on the bed, covering him with the creased up blanket around their legs. Gavin sighed lightly as he got out of the bed and walked to the shower, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear before stepping into the shower and cleaning himself up.

Connor opened his eyes, feeling the loss of a solid body. He listened to the water running across from the room, lights from the hallway intercepting the bedroom demurely. The brunette looked at his own body, covered by a blanket. At least it was nice to know that Gavin cared, however little it was. He pursed his lips tightly before moving positions so that his back faced the door, he could feel the way that tears built up, only to never fall and soak into the pillow.

He tugged the blanket a little closer and closed his eyes shut, not wanting to think of all the very likely possibilities of Gavin leaving to be with someone else. The android took in the smell of the freshly cleaned cover, burrowing his face into it as his LED shifted to a solid angry red, he could think about it later, not now. Not when he was still mostly certain that the other loved him.

The door opened, streaks of light growing taller before Connor heard a soft sigh and felt a slight pressure on the top of his head and a soft whisper.

" _I love you_." And with that, he heard retreating footsteps before the door shut and he was shrouded in darkness.

Alone, once more.

Alone, always.

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was the same routine, the same lines and rhyme. 

_"I'm sorry, I'm just swamped with work right now, maybe we can arrange something for next week, okay babe ?"_

_"Con, you know I love you, right ?"_

_"I'll be home late tonight, on a case; don't wait up."_

He didn't know the last time that Gavin had come home from work at a normal time, if he even came home at all. 

Countless times.

Countless chances.

Connor just couldn't let him go. They were supposed to be _so good_ for each other, _so right_. He knew it, he'd  _felt_ it.

He just can't stop counting the minutes that seem to stretch longer and longer with every passing second. 

He can't help but notice that repetitive smell on Gavin's clothes. The smell of roses, of something sweet, of something  _innocent_ ; feminine.

All Connor could smell was that he wasn't good enough. Of course he wasn't; he was an android, he was a male android. 

He would never be enough.

Would he ?

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Eventually, they did manage to get something to work for the both of them.

A date night. 

God, Gavin couldn't remember the last time he took Connor out for a date, he felt terrible to keep cancelling plans on Connor. 

He felt guilty of how every time he made an excuse, those sparkles in Connor's eyes were dulled, but without wavering the android would always just nod and smile as if it was alright, when it wasn't. They both knew it too.

Connor sat on the couch, slouched as Gavin pressed him closer to his own body. He could feel Connor smiling into his shoulder as the android let out a shaky sigh, pretending that their relationship  _wasn't_ as bad as it was. The light of the t.v illuminated their faces, and Gavin was enraptured once more. Those soft curls, the scattered moles and those puppy eyes, the lean body against his.

Connor glanced at Gavin with an embarrassed smile, cheeks flushing blue with hope,"What?" Gavin pursed his lips as he thought of her red hair and pink lips, glittering skin and slender thighs, covered by a tight black skirt. The way her cheeks flushed and she looked away, hair covering her face like curtains would a window, her laugh and commanding tone.

"Nothing."

Was all Gavin said before he leaned in and kissed the android, pulling him closer and closer, leaning his head to the side as he pushed his tongue past his lips and pulled the android onto his lap. He felt Connor comply and sit on his lap, grinding down as they both grew more and more lost in each other, that passionate fire re-igniting.

Connor closed his eyes, putting a hand on the human's cheek, reciprocating as their tongued intertwined. He threaded his other hand into Gavin's hair, grasping at it desperately as he felt Gavin suck on his tongue slowly before running his teeth along it recklessly, pulling apart occasionally to catch his own breath. Often peeking over the android's face to find him fully flustered and blue.

Gavin just smirked before pressing a kiss to Connor's neck, moving further up until he ran his tongue over the other's simulated pulse-point, licking it teasingly before biting down on his harshly, earning him a desperate groan from the android who tried to get any sort of friction going. Connor tugged Gavin closer as he licked his lips, automatically analysing their mixed saliva.

An analysis window popped up and open.

> _Traces of lipstick found_
> 
> > Revolution Red Lipstick by SUIX
> 
> _Traces of Thirium-310 found_
> 
> > Belongs to : WR400 #641 790 831
> 
> > Alias : North

Connor stilled his hips, body going rigid. Gavin had thought that he just discovered a soft-spot on the android's body, and kept sucking until he was satisfied and sure that a hickey would appear. When blue eyes glanced up, Connor's arms withdrew shakily as he let out a soft sigh, chewing his bottom lip to prevent tears from flowing.

Gavin could hardly make out the shape of Connor's face as the television lit up his own face and blinded him, causing him to wince and squint to focus on the upset face in front of him, tears flowing down them and LED shining a bright red in the dark.

A single whisper echoed louder than the television in the background. 

_"How could you?"_

Connor got off his lap, all fired within him doused as he went to the bedroom and shut the door, hearing Gavin at the other side try and talk to him but he just shut him down.

_"I think it'd be best if you gave me some time. Alone."_

He was clearly recommending that the other go to North instead; she could give him what he wanted. 

And what he wanted wasn't  _Connor_ , clearly.

The android heard Gavin still, a quiet for a while before he heard the other man walk away, feet softly hitting the ground. He heard a pair of shoes being slipped on and finally, a door shut with a wave of regret.

Connor covered his face as he slid down against the door, feeling tears pool against his palm and cheek.

If this is what it is like to be human, he'd rather just be reset and be a machine once again.

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

By the time Gavin was home Connor was no where to be seen, but there was a clear and evident gap of clothing in their shared drawer and a small note that just contained a simply wrote apology and a pair of keys along with the matching photo that Gavin always carried with him. 

It was a small picture, taken on a snowy day in Detroit. It was nothing simple, just a photo of the two side by side outside a bar, neon signs flashing behind them as Gavin took the picture and Connor planted a kiss on the man's prickly cheek, full of stubble.

He had fucked up. 

So badly.

He could never make this up to him.

Connor had given him so much freedom, from the hate he carried and the fears he held inside of himself. He had given him feelings of love and hope, feelings he wasn't well-acquainted with and probably didn't even deserve to get to know. Honestly, he didn't even know how the android put up with him. It must've been a miracle and a short-lived one at that too. 

The man stalked back to the kitchen, opening the fridge and looking at the last cooler drawer, pulling it open and taking out a bottle of whiskey before pushing it back in and shutting the door. Should he get a glass ? No, fuck it, it was just him, his alcohol and his crippling loneliness. Maybe if he called North she would actually give a shit, or just offer some distraction until he perhaps forgot Connor.

Always Connor.

God, he was insatiable wasn't he ? Why could he just be happy with one fucking android?

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The sun came up as another day began, Gavin walked up the stairs of the apartment complex quickly, shivering as he searched for his keys and opened the door. 

He wondered into the bedroom, bed empty and a slight indent on the mattress where Connor used to be. He felt breathless, like something was stuck in his throat. 

His eyes looked around the room, it was a mess. The drawers were open and several clothes were missing from Connor's side, most of Connor's other possessions were still there although. He figured that he could talk to the android when he came to collect them. Maybe.

There was a small note on the bedside table, along with a pair of keys, the cold and harsh wind flowed in through the open window. 

He must've taken the fire exit.

Gavin picked up the note, carefully pulling it out form under the keys as they jingled. 

> _'I'm sorry I can't be what you want._
> 
> _I think it's better if we just don't talk for a while'_

The note was written in beautiful yet messy cursive and Gavin cursed softly under his breath. He put the note down and closed the window before sitting on Connor's side of the bed, cold and empty. His hands ran over the dents in the mattress already beginning to disappear into thin air.

He was such an idiot.

There were so many things he should've done.

Stopped seeing North, focus more on Connor and see the special thing they had. 

Probably shouldn't have started drinking again, started acting out again, especially after all the progress he made with Connor.

If he was truly being honestly though, he couldn't care anymore. His life was just one giant problem that refused to be solved. 

So he he went to the fridge and took out a bottle of whiskey, opening it and downing as much as he could before slamming the door shut and going into the bedroom, hastily throwing off his shoes before drinking the rest of the contents and throwing the bottle onto the ground, rolling onto Connor's side and letting the alcohol wash over him, lighting him on fire form within.

Before he knew it, he passed out.

Dreaming of Connor.

And not North.

(For once.)

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The next time they saw each other was at work, and Gavin could feel two set of eyes casting dagger into his back along with some of his own friends. He felt the shame swallow him up from top to bottom as he slouched in his seat, he just wanted to melt away and become a puddle, or maybe instead just turn invisible permanently so that no one will even know of his existence. That might be better.

Then Connor came in, a small blue box of donuts in his hand, whilst the other lifted one up into his mouth. He glanced around until he saw Gavin, LED blinking red as his stress rose and he quickly looked away, but Gavin was quicker and got up. Walking directly toward him with a nervous expression before Connor's infamous doppelganger got in-between them. "I suggest you go back to your seat, Detective." A cold voice spoke up, hands clasped behind his back as he made a sour expression.

"Get out of my way, Dick! I need to talk to Connor-"

"Connor does not want to see you right now- or in fact, ever." Richard didn't move an inch, never letting up. Gavin just sighed tiredly as he rubbed his face with a groan, "Okay, fine. I get it."

He backed off and into the break room, angrily holding an empty coffee cup before placing it into the machine and watching it fill up. 

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　✷　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was nighttime, and Gavin hasn't slept in  _days_. His insomnia was always worse when Connor was gone. 

He's actually stopped seeing North, she broke it off. Apparently now he wasn't good for anyone at all. Gavin's been leaving text after text and voicemail after voicemail, calls getting denied every time he's tried to reach out. So here he was, scrolling through his ex-lover's social media, crying and drinking, face lit by the tablet in his hands as he saw the other man happy with someone else.

Someone who was batter, faster, stronger, smarter, more attractive in almost all aspects. Apart from having issues, that was the only thing Gavin was good at, and it was quite evident. He hasn't seen a peaceful night in days and the only people he'd allow near him were Tina and Chris, who came by often to check up on him. It was sad really, they probably pitied him. 

He was so  _so_ happy with Connor. He thought he could get better, the android had made  _him_ better.

But it was too late, Connor probably didn't miss him one bit. He was happy, probably with Richard, with Sumo in their lap, laughing and smiling. Probably eating some of those donuts from the other day.. holding hands, cuddling, kissing and maybe eve- 

Gavin stop it.

You are not going to think about your ex boyfriend with his doppelganger and pop a fucking boner.

That's just not okay. 

Stop it.

Get some help.

He glanced at the time, 04:28 AM. Great. 

Time to sleep until noon and go to work late and get shouted at by Fowler and glared at by Richard and Hank, then go to a bar after dark and drink himself silly until he was near passing out and go home and drop onto the bed and do this allllll over again.

Being Gavin Reed sucks.

He closed his eyes reluctantly, thinking of warm honeycomb brown ones, the faint smile of baby pink lips and the beautiful moles and freckles which formed constellations. He thought of Connor, and only Connor, trying to remember every single detail he could, from the way he laughed and the weird habits he'd developed as a symptom of becoming gradually more comfortable with being more humane.

And yet he could not sleep.

All he thought of Connor.

Connor leaving.

Alone.

**Author's Note:**

> originally wanted to title this 'il n'y a pas de toi et moi', which basically means 'there is no you and me' but i wasn't sure of how accurate the translation would be but whatevers  
> we need more gavin/north ok sorry.
> 
> translation of song:  
> My delicate fingers / Trace your skin ebony / I talk about you / I do not understand / The curtain closes / And your lights turn off / But at night I dream of you / Without me
> 
> You left out there
> 
> I loved this look / Who gave us this hook / Each time an annoyance / We did not care fear / One last time / The sun sparkles / But at night I dream of you / Without me
> 
> You left out there
> 
> I have tasted the sea / You gave me feelings / I could not do anything / My eyes and the ocean / One last time / Under a sparkling sky / But at night I do not sleep / Without you
> 
> I left out there


End file.
